I've changed. I see the light! At last my eyes are open to just how vast the conspiracy is to destroy Chistmas. I can no longer deny the Left's utter hatred for the baby Jesus. Here I was all along looking for the spirit of the holidays, when the Christmas devil was right there in the details. I mean forget that Americans spent more than $40billion over the weekend for HOLIDAY gifts, the important thing is that we carefully dissect every word, every action to truly reveal the dark forces who hate Santa, Rudolg and the wisemen who gathered over our savior's glowing crib-as shown in the cartoon docu-drama from the 70's "The Little Drummer Boy."
Leading my list of Christmas haters has to be the city of Chicago and its godless mayor. There is no denying that Chicago hates Christmas. Next thing you know they will change the name of the "Miracle" Mile to the "Inconsequential-life-event-dictated-by-an-ever-evolving-random-universe" Mile. Just a few facts to prove my point:
300 "illegal" cabs ticketed and impounded over the weekend, along with 400+ vehicles towed from city streets designated as snow routes. These cruel siezures of private patriotic American property resulted in hundreds of thousands of Dollars in fines. Coincidence that so-called "snow" coincides with Christmas? That is money stolen directly from Christmas retailers. How many little children will go without this Holi...oops, I mean, Christmas Season?
Want to give the gift of a gun this year to a loved one? Not in the city of Chicago, which bans the Second Ammendment right of gun ownership. Ane next time you're in gridlock traffic and late for a Christmas party, or trapped in line ith an arm full of gifts without that gun to clear the line or make room in the turn lane thank Mayor Daly for ruining Christmas!
Every kid knows Santa's girth allows him to glide gently down every chimney to leave gifts for all the girls and boys who have been good Republican, anti-choice, gun-owning, war-loving, Catholic-wary Christians.
next year, when some child discovers an anorexic Santa crumpled in the fireplace, with compound fractures, and damn near delirious from low blood sugar thank the Chicago city board and their abusive taxes on Milk and Cookies.
I priced a plastic Christmas tree(thanks pagans for that holiday accoutrement)at the local target and was aghast to learn it would carry a 10% sales tax! Looks like I'll be visiting the local cemetery with a saw at midnight again this year!
Worst of all the ASPCA kills puppies and kittens! Cute, cuddly Christmas critters that would look oh so cute stuffed into a stocking overnight. Just the perfect gift for a child who, after a week or so grows tired of their gifts, especially the ones who require caring, food and a walk now and then. Think of the ASPCA as a clearing house for all those puppies and kittens whom good anti-choice folks believe deserve to be born, and who are critters from the moment they are concieved in an alley, the middle of the street or in the yard.
Thank goodness the righteous folks on the Right are keeping the Christmas dream alive. AM 560 played a lovely little Christmas ditty, well in keeping ith the spirit of the season. They played a joyous version of Jingle Bells with shotgun blasts. Remember that funny version with the barking dogs? And you thought it couldn't be bested! Way to go AM 560! Now that's the proper spirit for the season of pea...oops, I mean shopping.
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