The First Shot

The no-man's land between the opposing trenches is littered with the debris of brutal skirmishes in this continuing war on Christmas. Bits of silver garland are strewn among the craters and fetid pools. Everywhere are broken candy canes and eviscerated sugar plums. A radio flyer is overturned. Its single wheel turns eerily in the still air before Thanksgiving, eeck, eeck, eeck, eeck. Silhouetted against the morning sky a salvation army collection plate rusts among coils of razor wire, decorated with tiny little Walmart Christmas lights made in China. The vacant eyes of a faded plastic Santa are fixed upon gathering storm clouds.

It is quiet now, after a brief fusillade of poorly aimed shots from FOX News and Bill O'Reilly last week.

"Public displays of the federal holiday," O'Reilly said on his 9NOV show, "are under attack by the ACLU [American Civil Liberties Union], and some department stores even tell employees to avoid saying "Merry Christmas." So we decided to look at some retail policies this year, and here's what we found out: Sears/Kmart would not answer our questions. Spokesman Chris Braithwaite simply ducked the issue. Their website banners: "Wish Book Holiday 2005." They were the worst we had to deal with. OK? Sears-Kmart. JCPenney says its catalog is always called 'Christmas catalog.' Federated Department Stores, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Burdines, says the words "Merry Christmas" will be used in most advertising. Same thing at May, Filene's, Lord & Taylor, and Marshall Field's. But Kohl's refused to define how the company will deal with Christmas. Dillard's, however, will use the slogan; 'Discover Christmas, Discover Dillard's.' So there you go. Shop where you like the atmosphere. Just remember, Kohl's and Sears-Kmart, basically, not all right."

So let me get this straight, Bill O'Reilly is part of the FOX cabal that is aghast when the Obama Administration interferes with big business. They call that Socialist and Communist,but he has no issue with Christmas being designated as a FEDERAL HOLIDAY, and that businesses must adhere to a prescribed terminology in promoting a religious event or face the wrath of a manufactured backlash. Indeed, the passion of their outrage would lead one to conclude that a Constitutional Convention or perhaps a law to mandate the use of "Merry Christmas" over "Happy Holidays" is desirable, and even acheivable. Sound socialist? After all, Christmas is hardly intended to be a commercial event.

It isn't even about the gifts. Recalling the Bible story and baby Jesus-not really a consideration for O'Reilly and the other Republicrooks masquerading as Christians-the gifts were FOR Jesus. I know that sounds funny coming from an avowed socialist(Hey, so was that Christ guy!) It is about the money for them. It is always about the money for them, which is precisely why they use Christianity and gullible viewers as a bludgeon against Business that dare defy their political ideology.

Looking out across the battlefield, soon to be littered with the trash spewed from the Republicrook trenches, I am reminded of someone else who used Christianity as a vehicle for his own agenda. Since they love to throw around terms like Socialist and Communist, a guy with a little mustache a few decades back rose to power on manipulated populism and incitement masked with fear, nationalism, bigotry and religion.

The essence of Christianity is for inclusion and forgiveness, not meanness, exclusion and spite. Much like the Constitution. Puts FOX and FRIENDS in a very special catgory...but therein lies the cornerstone of this column, and that is for all of us-Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Aithiests, Agnostics, bearded women, Pagans-to enjoy a freakin'
JERKLESS CHRISTMAS 2009!